Ippssy

today sucks... argh.... i'm so numb and emotional at the same time. i just need to write to ... get things out.

damn it. we're one day away from going home for christmas and six days from being at the farm. geneva just got a call from her mom that ippssy passed away today. no warning, no anything. she ate normally and played normally with ding yesterday at the farm. good grief... i can't even open the friggin fridge without crying when i look at all the doggie snacks that we picked up for her at 3 dog bakery.

i just wish that i had one more afternoon with her in the sun on the farm where we could toss the stick around, i could laugh as she crawled up to me and flopped on her back and begged for a belly rub, and we'd just lay around watching the horse or the sunset.

god we miss you already girl.

ippssy, our incredible love. geneva brought you into our lives when she had just finished university and i was completing my fifth year. mom wasn't on campus a lot and i was, and she had just started work so our schedules were a little out of sync. however, we would always get together for flag football practice and games, and hang out at the old house on the weekends. i remember the first time that i saw you. you were so tiny (i think you were 4 weeks old).

there was one time when you came out to one of our flag football games. we were undefeated after you entered our lives, so you were our good luck charm right off the bat. anyways, after one of the games you were racing around and i didn't see where you went. you snuck up behind me and i backed up and accidentally stepped on your paw. you let out a tiny "yelp" and then walked up to mommy and stuck your paw out like it was broken. your mom hit me numerous times and she cuddled you like crazy. it's crazy how much that seems like something that could now happen with sydney.

you were and probably will be the only dog that i ever really fall in love with. when i was 5 years old, my "best friend" at the time, named ian, and my brother ian and his best friend, corey, were all hanging out at corey's place. we were in the backyard where they had a golden lab. anyhow, we were playing with hot wheels cars, pushing them on the pavement back and forth, when my friend ian gets the idea to throw his car at the dog. the dog jumped and attacked me. he bit both of my arms and my right ear, and i was bleeding badly. i still have the scars.

i ended up growing up with a fear... a phobia of dogs. one time in grade five, i was walking home from school with ian (my brother, not the stupid friend) and auntie mimi. there was a little black mutt on the opposite side of the street that was barking loudly but not walking towards us. i had a massive panic attack and screamed and tried to hide because i thought the dog was going to attack me. auntie mimi laughed because she didn't understand. when you have a phobia, whatever you are afraid of is the absolute embodiment of your worst nightmare come to life and amplified 100 fold.

ipps, if it wasn't for you, i would have never gotten over my phobia of dogs. you taught me to conquer my one major achilles heel. i never had a dog growing up or any kind of real pet, so you are really the first one that i've ever had and ever fallen in love with. They say that owning a pet is the one of the only chances in life to choose a family member. even though you were geneva's choice, you brought so much into my life and our lives. in many ways, you are the symbol for everything good that geneva and the chans have brought to my life. our afternoons on the farms are some of the happiest and simplist moments of my existence.

i wish you could have held on for a few more days. we were so close to being home. i feel so bad because the last time we came home, we were so busy with sydney and travelling that it was the first time that i forgot to bring something home for you. i feel so terrible now. i hope that you know that we love you so much.

our little baby puppy, i can't even explain how i feel right now. there's a big part of my heart that's been ripped out. your mom is more introverted than i am and i know that she's hurting much more inside. she's strong and she'll get through but you should know that i've never seen her love a dog (and she's had a lot) to even a fraction of the degree that she loves you.

even though we moved to vancouver, there isn't a day that we didn't think about you. everyone always asks us why so many of our email addresses, blogs, etc are named ipppsy and ippssyeggos. literally everyday you are in our thoughts and hearts.

we miss you more than you can imagine. we hope that you passed away in peace, and that we'll see you again in heaven. good grief, we miss you so much. we're so grateful to have had the chance to love you as much as we did, and grateful that you loved us in return.

we miss you. we love you forever. we hope a part of us is with you. we'll take the beauty of your being with us everywhere we go for the rest of our lives, now and beyond this lifetime.

love you ippssy. xoxoxoxo