Theory: The discovery of unconditional love through your kids

What a great place for dad to start "parking lotting" all of my random theories and observations. As many of you know, I have a lot of different theories on how the world works and on things I've noticed (Syd, not to brag by but dad did score in the 99th percentile for abstract intelligence, so you'll have to bare with my conceitedness every now and then).

Here you go kiddo.

Theory: Expansion of Character and The Discovery of Unconditional Love.
When people use to state "you have no idea how much you will care for this kid," I'll admit that I use to get VERY defensive. You see, daddy had a little sister named Christina that was 11 (yes, eleven) years younger than me that I loved dearly. You see, when I was a kid, I never felt close to my own dad. While dad was a good person, he was a very traditional asian father, which meant that he worked hard and long hours, often missed dinner, drilled me and Ian on the value of education and studying hard, and too virtually no real passionate interest in any of our extra curricular activities (i.e. pulled us out of hockey the year after I won team MVP, never came to watch any volleyball games on the team I captained, and didn't take my interest in drama seriously when I had some great roles in high school). Ergo, I really had a chip on my shoulder when Christina came along, and I promised myself that I would do my best to be a good role model for her and be a big part of her life (something I thought my father lacked) NOTE: please note that it took me until I was much older to understand how my dad showed his love to me, and for me to gain the maturity to respect my father for the man he was. His way of showing love was different than mine, and it took me a while to understand that. My dad is an amazing man who came to Canada with nothing and built a life of success and integrity from scratch. My dad is now one of my best friends, my mentor, and my role model, and I love him dearly. If you don't believe that, read the eulogy I wrote for my grandmother as my dad was the true inspiration for me writing that.
- When Christina was in elementary school, I volunteered at her daycare for a year and ended up getting a job offer there and worked there for a summer and a bit.
- I coached Christina's soccer team (re: eggos), one of those experiences that will be in my top 5 lifetime experiences when it's all said and done.
In general, I really tried to be a big part of her life and to really look out for her in a combination second father-older brother kind of way. So when people say "you have no idea how much you'll love this kid," I would think to myself, "you guys have no idea how prepared I am emotionally and mentally for this."

I still believe that everything with Christina has more than prepared me for and made me passionate about wanting to be a great dad. But there is one major difference.

My theory is that you do not fully understand unconditional love until you have a kid. If I reverse engineer that statement, let's take a look at the people we "love":
- Your spouse. That love is not unconditional as there is one major caveat: that your spouse has to love you back in return. The balance my not be equal (though those of you that know me well know that I think that successful relationships are ones where both parties are extending past 50% or their "fair share"... and that 'both people should give 110% - Dr. Phil crap is so cliche it makes me want to puke) but there has to be something in return. BTW, a spousal relationship where you love the person and they do not love you in return is called "stalking." :)
- Your parents. That love is not unconditional as the major caveat is that your parents at some point need to provide for you and love you.
- Your siblings and close friends. Again, a reciprocated relationship dependent on a mutual exchange of love. Have you ever had someone that's a close friend betray you or similiar stop returning love to you and cut you off? then you understand what I mean about that love not being unconditional.

When people say "you have no idea how much you'll care for this kid," they don't mean that you can't comprehend the scope. I definitely understood the scope having Chris as a younger sibling. Perhaps it's more accurate to say that there is a new dimension of life that you never knew existed before you had kids that truly adds to your life and your capacity as a human being to feel and experience life. Now, that is not to say that you can not live a fulfilling, beautiful life without kids, because you absolutely can. My life before Sydney was amazing with a beautiful wife, travel across the world, a challenging job, great family and friends, service to my community, and being a role model to young kids.

But, having Sydney, I now truly understand that there is this capacity as a human to experience true unconditional love. It is a new experience that is both incredibly intense and profoundly unique and new. It's not better or worse than before, it's just different. Now, I really don't care how much see needs to cry when something is wrong, I don't care if she hates me later in life, I don't care if the relationship is totally one-sided right now. Unconditionally, I am totally in love with her and will do everything that I can to make her (and her mom of course) the two happiest people in the entire world, regardless of what that takes or what I get in return.

I know that some people say that the bond that they have with pets is comparable to that with kids. Similiarily, others have said that community work or gardening can have that same effect of nurturing growth and love unconditionally. If that's the case, fantastic. The only thing that I know is that I love my family and my friends dearly, I love Ippssy (Geve's dog), I love the 50+ delinquent kids that I coached in soccer, and of course I love my wife. But I never understood true unconditional love until 10:15 a.m. on October 29, 2006 when I spent my first five minutes with my little baby Sydney in my arms.