Theory: The Engineer vs. The Gardener. Parenting Theory.

I told Geneva about my central strategy around parenting. I think that there are a number of ideas around parenting, and one of the key things that I've often thought about is the nature how to parent and what kind of mentality to have,

The best analogy that I can think of is the engineer versus the gardener. In terms of the engineer, the strategy around development is defintive to piece together the parts and mold the design into an end result. There is definitely a guiding of the process towards a pre-determined end result. With the gardener, the idea is to nurture growth. In my observation as a non-gardener, the end result is not pre-determined. Rather, the idea is to shape the environment in a manner that fosters what is the natural development of the plant.

My believe is that parenting is more like gardening. Having coached two very different soccer teams and having managed five different direct reports with very different goals, I have learned that you can not force goals, objectives or performance on people. In the short term, it may be something that works, but in the long term it never does. I can think of a number of people that I've seen in my life where their parents desperately train their kids to "be" something... a doctor or lawyer, a scientist, a quarterback... so that parents ultimately can live vicariously through their kids.

Some of the best career advice that I got was when I left campbell's and their arranged for me to see a career consultant. Marsha Harling taught me a very basic principle about finding fulfilment at work. Her advice; that you need to find the point where three big circles intersect: your interests/ your aptitude/ your personality. The theory is that is you find something that you are naturally passionate about, that is catered towards your natural strengths, and fits your personality profile well, that you will naturally excel.

With Sydney, I hope that I can hold true to a few promises;
- When it comes to school and general learning beyond school (because books give you a great foundation, but you need to always be learning) that we hold her to the discipline of always trying her hardest
- When it comes to extracurricular: a) try everything once b) because it's your time to find out what you are passionate about, you pick the activities. c) finish everything that you start d) always strive to be the best that you can in anything that you do (really what's the point otherwise... that's something dad just can't understand).

It will be interesting to see how Sydney's personality will start to take shape.

In terms of nature versus nurture, I really do believe that Sydney is already hardwared to be great at a lot of things, and to be the best in the world at a few select things. I can only hope that my creating an environment that is supportive, challenging, disciplined, adventurous, open, and balanced, that we can help her to be the best person that she can be. At the end of the day, if I can look at her in 30 years and say that she's a better human being that I am, I'll be happy knowing that Geneva and I were successful. Moreover, I'm looking forward to the fun of watching her blossom into the fully incredible person I know she'll become.

Love ya kid, it's pressure but nothing you can't handle for sure.