Theory: The Engineer vs. The Gardener. Parenting Theory.

I told Geneva about my central strategy around parenting. I think that there are a number of ideas around parenting, and one of the key things that I've often thought about is the nature how to parent and what kind of mentality to have,

The best analogy that I can think of is the engineer versus the gardener. In terms of the engineer, the strategy around development is defintive to piece together the parts and mold the design into an end result. There is definitely a guiding of the process towards a pre-determined end result. With the gardener, the idea is to nurture growth. In my observation as a non-gardener, the end result is not pre-determined. Rather, the idea is to shape the environment in a manner that fosters what is the natural development of the plant.

My believe is that parenting is more like gardening. Having coached two very different soccer teams and having managed five different direct reports with very different goals, I have learned that you can not force goals, objectives or performance on people. In the short term, it may be something that works, but in the long term it never does. I can think of a number of people that I've seen in my life where their parents desperately train their kids to "be" something... a doctor or lawyer, a scientist, a quarterback... so that parents ultimately can live vicariously through their kids.

Some of the best career advice that I got was when I left campbell's and their arranged for me to see a career consultant. Marsha Harling taught me a very basic principle about finding fulfilment at work. Her advice; that you need to find the point where three big circles intersect: your interests/ your aptitude/ your personality. The theory is that is you find something that you are naturally passionate about, that is catered towards your natural strengths, and fits your personality profile well, that you will naturally excel.

With Sydney, I hope that I can hold true to a few promises;
- When it comes to school and general learning beyond school (because books give you a great foundation, but you need to always be learning) that we hold her to the discipline of always trying her hardest
- When it comes to extracurricular: a) try everything once b) because it's your time to find out what you are passionate about, you pick the activities. c) finish everything that you start d) always strive to be the best that you can in anything that you do (really what's the point otherwise... that's something dad just can't understand).

It will be interesting to see how Sydney's personality will start to take shape.

In terms of nature versus nurture, I really do believe that Sydney is already hardwared to be great at a lot of things, and to be the best in the world at a few select things. I can only hope that my creating an environment that is supportive, challenging, disciplined, adventurous, open, and balanced, that we can help her to be the best person that she can be. At the end of the day, if I can look at her in 30 years and say that she's a better human being that I am, I'll be happy knowing that Geneva and I were successful. Moreover, I'm looking forward to the fun of watching her blossom into the fully incredible person I know she'll become.

Love ya kid, it's pressure but nothing you can't handle for sure.

January 4th: Recent Pictures

Just some pictures I love. From Dad.




















This is the reason I hate getting up and leaving to go to work.





















Someone flexing her legs so that she can Triple Jump like my Little Eggos Sister Ashley (who's 5'8" now!)
















Where's Sydney?

















Good grief, I remember when each of these guys were in diapers too!

















Our favourite dog in the whole world. Ippssy.






















You can tell how much someone loves you by how they look at you.





















You and me, as photographed by mommy.






















Holy soother-ring mouth Batman!

December 20: Thanks for visiting mom

Actually, it's now classified as Ba Noi. David's mom came for a weekend visit. Sydney was especially good making the trip to the airport to pick up Ba Noi and the trip to drop her off as well. It was too cute when we picked up Ba Noi. I was carrying Sydney and Ba Noi saw us from across the luggage carosel. She ran over, dropped her bags, didn't say hi to me or Geve-or give us the customary kiss and big hug, scooped Sydney from out of my arms and gave her a big hug and kiss... and walked of!!! sigh... what a big change.

The whole weekend basically consistented of mom watching the news while holding Sydney in her arms as she napped.

Love you mom. I'm so glad that you came to visit. We'll be home in a week.

Check out the time warp pictures... 30 years difference (I think Sydney looks more like me everyday... haha).

December 19: How could we both forget our anniversary?

Something funny happened on Saturday. Mom called when Geneva and I were hanging out watching football (Sydney, your mom is a huge Colts fan... i have no idea why). Anyways, mom says to us "happy anniversary!" We both look at each other with these blank looks on our faces... and we realize that the date is December 17. Good grief, our three-year anniversary.

In truth, the magic of our wedding wasn't really the that we got married (for goodness sake, we dated forever and lived together before hand as well). What was incredible was that it was us and 30 of the closest people to us from all the important parts of our lives. So many great stories: Ong Ngoai overcoming his fear of heights to come to our wedding; Ben taking his and kim's tequilla shots the first night and paying dearly for it (mmm... the toilet is my friend)/ flaming tequilla shots at the Spanish restaurant/ moms toasting with tequilla/ Augie and Kirby the night before the wedding (hahaha that still makes me laugh... "this tastes so good you should try one", the European male tourist that tried to pick up Co Hanh and THEN my dad at the bachelor night, Kelly and Carrie coming from Toronto, the pink outfit that my two best-men picked out for me (though I'm sure it was more Ian), Geve and her family getting up to try to see turtles every morning, wind-surfing and parasailing, fake tattoos with Jade and Vince, Chris and Jade talking about how they could get alcoholic drinks whenever they could (what a preview of years to come), everyday buffets (yummy), water basketball in freezing pools, beach soccer and football, and of course Uncle Lam scouting topless women.

Ah Sydney, if some of the greatest moments of my life were the Eggos provincial championship, the Green Eggs & Ham football championship, the performances in front of sold out high school theatres; and the happiest that I've ever been has been the last seven weeks with you and your mom; I have to say that our wedding week in Mexico was the happiest week of my life. Truly heaven on earth if there is a such a thing. Having our family there, our best friends, I can honestly say that it's a week that I will never forget.

Enjoy the pictures little one. I'd imagine that when you flip through our photo album in 10 years, you'll actually know every single person in that book. And that's something really special.

December 13: And the in the corner... weighing in at...

And in the west corner, wearing white Pampers diapers that are too small for her now, weighing at ...

10LBS!!!
Oh my gotch as cousin Tyler and Uncle Austin use to say! Yup. Geve took Supergirl to the doctor's on Monday. The doctor asked Geneva, "so how much do you think she weighs," and Geve responded, "she's definitely put on weight so I'll guess a little over 8 lbs." Nope, 10 lbs. Of course we should have guessed that because that back-poop is too frequent now in those small diapers! Just ask daddy, because I hit the panic button after a Ba Noi diaper change that went WRONG (let's just say there was poop leaking in every direction).

Want to see what a 10 lbs kid looks like?

Theory: The discovery of unconditional love through your kids

What a great place for dad to start "parking lotting" all of my random theories and observations. As many of you know, I have a lot of different theories on how the world works and on things I've noticed (Syd, not to brag by but dad did score in the 99th percentile for abstract intelligence, so you'll have to bare with my conceitedness every now and then).

Here you go kiddo.

Theory: Expansion of Character and The Discovery of Unconditional Love.
When people use to state "you have no idea how much you will care for this kid," I'll admit that I use to get VERY defensive. You see, daddy had a little sister named Christina that was 11 (yes, eleven) years younger than me that I loved dearly. You see, when I was a kid, I never felt close to my own dad. While dad was a good person, he was a very traditional asian father, which meant that he worked hard and long hours, often missed dinner, drilled me and Ian on the value of education and studying hard, and too virtually no real passionate interest in any of our extra curricular activities (i.e. pulled us out of hockey the year after I won team MVP, never came to watch any volleyball games on the team I captained, and didn't take my interest in drama seriously when I had some great roles in high school). Ergo, I really had a chip on my shoulder when Christina came along, and I promised myself that I would do my best to be a good role model for her and be a big part of her life (something I thought my father lacked) NOTE: please note that it took me until I was much older to understand how my dad showed his love to me, and for me to gain the maturity to respect my father for the man he was. His way of showing love was different than mine, and it took me a while to understand that. My dad is an amazing man who came to Canada with nothing and built a life of success and integrity from scratch. My dad is now one of my best friends, my mentor, and my role model, and I love him dearly. If you don't believe that, read the eulogy I wrote for my grandmother as my dad was the true inspiration for me writing that.
- When Christina was in elementary school, I volunteered at her daycare for a year and ended up getting a job offer there and worked there for a summer and a bit.
- I coached Christina's soccer team (re: eggos), one of those experiences that will be in my top 5 lifetime experiences when it's all said and done.
In general, I really tried to be a big part of her life and to really look out for her in a combination second father-older brother kind of way. So when people say "you have no idea how much you'll love this kid," I would think to myself, "you guys have no idea how prepared I am emotionally and mentally for this."

I still believe that everything with Christina has more than prepared me for and made me passionate about wanting to be a great dad. But there is one major difference.

My theory is that you do not fully understand unconditional love until you have a kid. If I reverse engineer that statement, let's take a look at the people we "love":
- Your spouse. That love is not unconditional as there is one major caveat: that your spouse has to love you back in return. The balance my not be equal (though those of you that know me well know that I think that successful relationships are ones where both parties are extending past 50% or their "fair share"... and that 'both people should give 110% - Dr. Phil crap is so cliche it makes me want to puke) but there has to be something in return. BTW, a spousal relationship where you love the person and they do not love you in return is called "stalking." :)
- Your parents. That love is not unconditional as the major caveat is that your parents at some point need to provide for you and love you.
- Your siblings and close friends. Again, a reciprocated relationship dependent on a mutual exchange of love. Have you ever had someone that's a close friend betray you or similiar stop returning love to you and cut you off? then you understand what I mean about that love not being unconditional.

When people say "you have no idea how much you'll care for this kid," they don't mean that you can't comprehend the scope. I definitely understood the scope having Chris as a younger sibling. Perhaps it's more accurate to say that there is a new dimension of life that you never knew existed before you had kids that truly adds to your life and your capacity as a human being to feel and experience life. Now, that is not to say that you can not live a fulfilling, beautiful life without kids, because you absolutely can. My life before Sydney was amazing with a beautiful wife, travel across the world, a challenging job, great family and friends, service to my community, and being a role model to young kids.

But, having Sydney, I now truly understand that there is this capacity as a human to experience true unconditional love. It is a new experience that is both incredibly intense and profoundly unique and new. It's not better or worse than before, it's just different. Now, I really don't care how much see needs to cry when something is wrong, I don't care if she hates me later in life, I don't care if the relationship is totally one-sided right now. Unconditionally, I am totally in love with her and will do everything that I can to make her (and her mom of course) the two happiest people in the entire world, regardless of what that takes or what I get in return.

I know that some people say that the bond that they have with pets is comparable to that with kids. Similiarily, others have said that community work or gardening can have that same effect of nurturing growth and love unconditionally. If that's the case, fantastic. The only thing that I know is that I love my family and my friends dearly, I love Ippssy (Geve's dog), I love the 50+ delinquent kids that I coached in soccer, and of course I love my wife. But I never understood true unconditional love until 10:15 a.m. on October 29, 2006 when I spent my first five minutes with my little baby Sydney in my arms.

A Trip to the Mall....

was literally a trip to the mall!

I had big plans for Sydney and myself. My goal was to go to a shopping mall and do a bit of Christmas shopping.

It started off well. We did a quick feed right before we left and she didn't even fuss in her car seat. Sydney slept on the way there....what an angel :)

As we arrived in the parking lot she started to wake....that's a good thing because that meant I didn't have to wake a sleeping baby. If you ever think of doing that.....don't, it's not worth it. Just ask Daddy Dave. Thanks to Daddy Dave, Mommy had to stay up an extra hour soothing a fussy child.

Anyhow, I parked the car and proceeded to put her in her Bjorn carrier. All went well.
As I stepped into the mall.....uh oh....... WA WA WA WA!
I thought to myself, "Okay....this is normal. She usually fusses and then falls asleep"...... WRONG!

I walked around Sears for about 10 minutes hoping the crying would stop. Nope, it didn't.
I then took her outside to calm down. That lasted about 10 minutes. She started falling asleep so I walked back into the mall entrance hoping to acclimatize her to the noise and temperature.
So far so good. I then walked into the mall.......big mistake! WA WA WA WA!

The minute I did that Sydney decided to exercise her lungs! Shopping for Mommy lasted about 3 minutes!

We went back to the car, back into the car seat, and back home.

That was a trip to the mall. Maybe next time it'll be a bit more productive.
I think next time when I get to the mall, I'll feed her, change her, and then see how things go.

argh!!!!!

For me...oh boy.... there are good days and then there are bad days. Yesterday was a great day! Today is the complete opposite! What a nightmare! I finally managed to get her down.....sometimes I just have to let her cry.

That's what I did today. I tried to put her into her bassinet. She fell asleep for a few minutes and then woke herself up again. She played with herself for a few minutes and then started crying. Repeat this scenario three times....that has been my last 3 hours! This last time, I let her cry. She was fed, changed, and comfortable so not sure what the problem was. I let her wail for about 5 minutes and then picked her up. Calmed her and then put her in her chair.

She was entertained for about 10 minutes and then wailed again. I let her wail for another 5 minutes. It's difficult to eat your lunch with a wailing kid in the background.....it was tough but I did it.

Pretty soon, it was feeding time again. I fed her. She fell asleep on the breast. I burped her and now she's out like a light in her bassinet. Let's see how long that lasts!

Yes....some days are tougher than others. This really is unconditional love! Now I can pump the breast that needed to be pumped 5 hours ago!

Sydney Signs: Born October 29, 2006

Born October 29, 2006, Sydney's zodiac sign is Scorpio and her Chinese/ Vietnamese is a Dog. Here's a little information about both... it's interesting to see that there are a number of common characteristics: passionate, proud, particular, intense, introverted healing, emotionally energetic...

Hey Syd, FYI dad is a Leo and mom is a Cancer, and of course we're both Rabbits.









Scorpios are known for their intense and powerful natures.
They are willful, proud and calm with an electrifying undercurrent of seething intensity. Purposeful and animated with force, they project a magnetic personality. Their demeanor is dignified and reserved, affable and courteous, and many have a gaze that is both direct and penetrating. Their secretive natures make them natural detectives. Many Scorpios possess a suspicious outlook, and need to know the reasons behind everything. Scorpio does nothing in half measures. An all or nothing attitude permeates their entire life. When fixed on something or someone, the scorpion perseveres. Scorpio never settles. Life is meant to be lived to the fullest or not at all. Their tenacity and willpower are enviable, their depth of character and passionate conviction admirable, but it is their deep sensitivity that makes them the best and most loyal friend. Their sensitivity, and pride allow them to be easily hurt, quick to feel insult or injury, even when none is intended, and easily roused to heights of anger. An angry Scorpio is a sight to see. Unlike Leo, who can have a temper tantrum and five minutes later be quite himself again, Scorpio seethes, and doesn't give it up. When they harness their abundant energy constructively, their self-confidence tempered with shrewdness, and their ambition coupled with generosity toward others, they excel at whatever they undertake. Scorpios are demanding of others, but never ask someone to do what they would not do themselves. They can be fanatically focused and work till they drop, and ask the same of those around them. No middle ground for a Scorpio, all or nothing. Scorpio imagination and intuition are excellent. They possess refined critical perception and strong analytical ability. In addition, they seem to demonstrate a natural healing power. These abundant gifts allow Scorpions to penetrate the most profound subjects. They are serious folk, but quite charming to people they like, and when social events call for it. Their tragic flaw is their immense pride. Once wronged, once Scorpio's pride has been diminished, the game of courtesy is over.

Scorpio's glyph, or symbol, looks like a letter M with a tail. The curves show the grounded nature of the sign, ending in an upward-turned arrow, symbolizing the need for action and the striving for something higher.

Element: Water
Planet Ruler: Pluto, Mars
Season: Fall
8th Sign of Zodiac
Stone: Topaz, Opal
Color: Gold, Purple
Keywords: passionate, perceptive, resourceful, possessive, psychological, prowling, determined, probing, fixed, focused.

Born in the Year of the Dog.
In the West, the Dog is man's best friend, but in Chinese Astrology this Sign is a little more unpredictable than that. Dogs are loyal, faithful and honest and always stick to their firm codes of ethics. However, this Sign has trouble trusting others. It's generally quite trustworthy itself -- except for the occasional "little white lies" the Dog tells in order to make things go more smoothly. The Dog makes a wonderful, discreet and loyal friend (despite any white lies) and is an excellent listener. This Sign tends to root for the underdog and its keen sense of right and wrong makes it duty-bound to the core. The Dog's mantra seems to be, Live right, look out for the little people and fight injustice whenever possible. Dogs can also be rather dogmatic, too. They don't go in for light social banter; instead, they go straight for home, expostulating on the topics that are most important to them. At these times the Dog's narrow-minded or stubborn side can become apparent; this Sign has trouble staying light and calm when an important issue is at stake. This Sign can also be very temperamental; mood swings characterize its emotional life and often the Dog needs to run off to be alone in order to recuperate. Part of the problem is the result of this Sign's load of irrational fears that turn into niggling anxieties that turn into hurt feelings and occasional grouchiness. This sensitive Sign needs to warm up to others over time and gradually learn to trust them. Without that trust as a foundation, Dogs can be judgmental and coarse.The Dog's discerning nature does make it an excellent business person, one who can turn that picky, guarded nature into a keen sense of the truth of another's motives. Where love is concerned, Dogs often have a tough time finding the right match. They can be so anxious and overwrought in the romance dance that they'll stress their partner to the max! In any forum, this Sign is happiest when able to be quite physically active; at home or at work, the Dog will always be constructing something new or cleaning something up in order to make things better. Dogs need to work on controlling their irrational worries and would also be well-served to relax their mile-high standards, which can sometimes wind up alienating the ones they love.The most compatible match for a Dog is the Tiger or the Horse.

About Sydney and her parents... both Rabbits.
The Rabbit and the Dog can forge a fine, strong bond between them, based on mutual trust and appreciation. The timid, shy Rabbit is often overrun by more powerful or boisterous Signs, but the Dog has an innate sense of honor and would never take advantage of the Rabbit or its timidity. The Dog tends to have trouble trusting people but the Rabbit will never give it cause for suspicion. Both these Signs are trustworthy and loyal and will protect those they hold dear.

Check your compatiblity link at http://chinese.astrology.com/compat/

Happy One Month Birthday Sydney!

Sydney making her one-month birthday wish

We told her, “just close your eyes and make a wish.”

She must really have wanted something, like “to have no gas.

Popo's Three Week Stay

Popo (chinese word for grandma, my mom) was here for three weeks as of Nov. 3. It was a big help. Thanks :) Only a mom could understand what a new mom goes through.

Popo cooked and cleaned for us and made sure I was fed and had plenty of rest. Thanks mom....did I mention that already :) She had a huge impact on my recovery. For those of you have a great relationship with your mother, I would highly recommended having your mom stay with you when you recover for the first few weeks. Her sole job was to take care of me so I could take care of my baby :)

Popo had a few moments with her first grandchild. Popo even got to exercise her vocal cords with her rendition of Do-Re-Mi from the Sound of Music!
I think these are the only words that Popo knows :)

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long, long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow Sew
La la la la la la la........

Don't worry Sydney, I think her next song to you will be something from the Beatles :)

Gong Gong (chinese word for grandpa, my dad)couldn't make it here but he called every night asking Popo what was for dinner and directing her what to cook and how to cook it :) For those who don't my dad, he's an excellent chef. The way he shows his love is through food. Lots of it.

The three weeks flew by!
The four of us had a couple of farting contests.
I think Sydney won most of them with her explosive poops. I mean.....explosive poops. You can hear her poop in the next room!

Popo, Sydney and I had a chance to take the Bjorn carrier for a trail run. We walked down the hill to drop off some mail, walked back up the hill (Geneva is sooooo out of shape!), and then we walked to the Safeway! Sydney slept the whole two hours!

Popo and I thought it was such a great thing that she would sleep for two hours that we decided to try it again the next day!

WRONG! She slept during the walk to Safeway and then decided that she was hungry 15 minutes into our walk! When Sydney is hungry.....she wants her food now and I mean NOW!

We quickly scrambled to find a place to feed her and hopped into the Seniors centre at a Parkgate Community Centre. Luckily, no one was there and we managed to feed, burp, and change her before the seniors got back from their morning exercise! We put her back in the carrier and she was fast asleep again!

What did we learn over the three weeks:
Syndey can sleep through noise. One day, Popo decided to vacuum while Sydney was taking a nap. The vacuum cleaner did not phase her at all. She slept right through it!

Sydney, just like mom, likes cool indoor temperatures. Sydney gets heat rashes on her body when she is too warm! We apologize in advance to our visitors. Wear warm clothing when visiting David/Geneva/Sydney :)

Sydney has a lot of gas.......a lot of gas.

Sydney has a reflux problem. For three weeks she would spit up almost every time we fed her. It took us three weeks to figure out that it was a reflux issue. She is now on ranitidine, her bassinet is angled at 45 degrees and she is always upright after a feeding. Things are much better now. Thank god.

Lastly, newborns are a lot of work. People keep saying it gets easier after four weeks. When we reached the four week mark, they say it'll get easier after six weeks. I think we are now at 5 weeks and 1 one day. The "gets easier date" is now at three months! It's a lot of work but we love it. The tough part is the broken sleep.
Moms-to-be......nothing can prepare you for the lack of sleep you will get especially if you breastfeed!
Patience is key during your wee hour feedings. Definitely easier said than done.

So I think that brings me up to date with everything that has been happening.

Mom's second entry....still catching up

So what does it feel like the day after having delivered a 7 pound 4 ounce baby......... sore!

I felt like I had been exercising straight for the past 24 hours! Walking, standing, and sitting were very challenging. I would say that lasted for about one a half weeks! Yup.... that long! Even for a fitness freak like me! Thanks Sydney :)

Oh....and good bye to "period-free" months and welcome back PMS!!!

A day after we came home, I decided to make a trip to Superstore to pick up some groceries.
Holy smokes! That was the longest, most painful (physically) trip I have had to make. Walking was brutal. Carry groceries was even worse. Stupid me! The next time I volunteered to go grocery shopping was 7 days later!

It's a funny feeling.....being new parents. I look at Sydney and think wow...... we created her and she was in me. What an amazing thing. During her wailing, ear piercing moments....I wish for a millisecond that she were back in me :) Much easier that way!

We had two and a half days to ourselves before my mom would arrive for a three week visit.
It was really nice just being at home with Dave and our new arrival. Dave is now an expert at warming up food in the microwave and making "ma po tofu". We're still trying to expand his culinary inventory. Ordering take-out does not count :)

You would be amazed at how quickly time flies. We spent (and still spend) countless hours staring at her while she is sleeping.

Each day there is something different about her. They do grow really quickly :)

Welcome to the Jungle ....Gym: December 2

The best gift that we've gotten in terms of entertainment was the Jungle Gym set from Ian and Katherine. Pictures below featuring Sydney in the Jungle Gym, a few fishy looks from Sydney with the new faces that visited, napping with Uncle Ian, and hanging out with Mr. Bear.